I'm disappointed in myself.

at a lost of how I feel even within me. I try to feel, no emotions. since the past few days, I've geared myself up for this like going out into the battlefield. i forbid any distraction, i didn't even feel tempted. i gave every minute of it to memorising, to try to remember my best. I hardly could sleep well. I wake up frequently when in my sleep. I didn't even want to sleep only until my brain cannot take in any more info.


like a robot I felt I were. no joy in eating, sleeping. these I enjoyed everyday. I want my second upper very much. seniors say that chemistry is very tough to get second upper, most don't get there. they also say that second year in chemistry is a big jump; year one is like advanced standard of A level chemistry.. that's bout it. but at year two, you get everything new, foreign and all thrown to you in 3 modules as compared to year one 2 modules. how much I want to score in this semester, only finding that it's not as breezy and "enjoyable" as year one's work. and then in year one, I gave my time to date, to pursue performing, to sing my best and enjoy the stage and audience. I don't want to give up this dream of singing on stage regularly as I go on the next few years before I graduate, but which is more important to me. my second upper or is it both of them?

I am not smart, not smart enough as compared to the A students in my chemistry cohort. to top it, they are also hardworking and driven in chemistry. what am I to do? just keep going on, and only to lose myself in this pursuit? I'm already tasting the tip of this iceberg. I feel numb.

B>Greetings